Crap.
It feels like crap that too many people EXCEPT for me are going out there and doing exceptional, creative, dynamic, innovative things.
Why aren't you out there, 24? Why? When has it ever been impossible for you to achieve?
I'm complete and total lazybones at home, but at work, I absolutely hate the feeling of not doing enough to pull my weight, letting other people do what is supposed to be my job (at the point of being beyond superman) -- I'm just one person, I know, but I hate the idea of being irrelevant, and redundant.
Surfing the net all day and being lazy is a tempting idea, but when you're in an office, suffocating though the environment may be, you're expected to work your butt off.
I have no idea where the engine in me gets turned on.
I have no idea how it works, it's just how I'm programmed. I'm kinda competitive and I want to be the best, but this really happens only very occasionally.
This competition is good for me. It tells me to not ever sit on my ass and wait for time to pass. It teaches me new things. It tells me to get the hell on with it.
Maybe the reason I had to endure that kind of earthshattering betrayal last year was because God knew I was too smart to take that kind of shit from boyfriends and almost-boyfriends.
Oh, but look. is it the same? is it worse? I don't know, except that at the end of it all, I have you, and that makes everything a little better.
a little, because i am an indignant bitch who needs to be vindicated.
These are i requests, I think -- these are stuff I would get for myself if I chose to spend my own money.
1. Sony Greenheart C901 - a nice cellphone made out of recycled plastics and a reliable 5MP camera because I'm too lazy to lug a separate camera around. Plus the Xenon flash doubles as a flashlight for the blackouts that are becoming more and more common in the workplace.
2. Nook e-reader - so I don't blind myself prematurely being a bookworm on an LCD / CRT monitor! I actually prefer the e-reader to the iPod, but I already have a beat-up iPod so that's less gadget lust for me.
3. A nice 2010 planner - my summer schedule's turning out to be pretty hectic. I've survived work without one so far, but I'm not sure for how much longer I can go on like this.
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Wow, after that, my wishlist goes blank. Okay, the big-ticket items:
4. A car - I need one to take me around. Tired of taking the cab everywhere.
5. A macbook - I promised my boyfriend that I won't be purchasing a laptop anytime soon. After everything that's happened, I'm not sure I still want to. I'd still like to have a macbook some day but right now I'm being served just fine.
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Hm. That's a short list. Anyway, the stuff that probably won't be getting off my future wishlists anytime soon simply because it's a major big-ticket item, majorly majorly so.
6. Trip around the world. If I can't ever afford the jetsetting lifestyle for real, maybe a trip exploring all of europe will do. or all of Asia. Heck, all of the country would be nice.
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I've listed the things I want, but here's what I want more than all of those things: I wanna get my business rolling already. It's a huge beginning investment, so right now I'm taking my sweet time and studying. The harder thing is getting off my ass and actually doing something.