secret-keeper

I think i've been at this stage of stagnancy for more than a couple of weeks now. the most I do is turn away sponsorships or process them and handle special orders / sales which isn't even in my job description. My bosses trust me so much, I'm the one doing everything.

So. Work sucks. I've been lacking sleep lately because my usual paranoid little self is getting extra scared of all the things that go bump into the night. After watching a little bit of Paranormal Activity, I've started wondering if all those weird noises were really something otherworldly, and not good. Most nights, I would hear thumping on the stairs as if someone was going up or down them quickly. On particular evenings, the house sounded like someone was opening our glass doors. And sometimes, we receive phone calls beyond midnight. Once, I answered it only to hear a creepy soundtrack playing on the other side.

Today I had my first bangungot. It was like lockjaw but for the whole body, with a weird grating voice when I tried to say something. Eventually, I actually said something and it woke me up.

My mom says this is all happening because I stopped praying. Well, she has a point. If God has to bully me into praying...

After everything I've been through, I don't know what to expect from him anymore, and I don't know the remedy. All I know is, my hands are completely off religion now. No more church, no more talking about God, no more whatever. Occasionally I belt out a worship song, or read some theo/sophical post, but that's it. I don't know what I'm waiting for, and I don't know what I want from God.

Let's just say we aren't on speaking terms right now. I'm pretty vindictive right now, which is probably one trait that will send me straight to hell.